MathReference, Limericks, Jokes, and Satire

Mathematicians love to use the same word to mean different things in different contexts.  I think "normal" is overloaded more often than any other word.

1. A normal vector is perpendicular to a line or plane.

2. A normal vector is perpendicular to a curve or surface if it is perpendicular to the tangent line or plane at that point.

3. For any vector space that has an inner product, and a given subspace in this vector space, a normal vector has a dot product of 0 with all vectors in the given subspace.

4. A normal subgroup is the kernel of a homomorphism.

5. In a normal descending series of subgroups, each is normal in the original group G.

6. The normalizer of the subgroup H is the set of elements x, taken from G, such that xH/x = H.

7. A normal endomorphism of the group G commutes with every inner automorphism of G.

8. a normal field extension includes one root of p(x) iff it includes them all.

9. The normal closure of a field extension creates the splitting field.

10. A normal distribution creates the familiar bell curve.

11. A normal matrix commutes with its tranjugate.

12. In a normal space, T₄, distinct closed sets can be embedded in distinct open sets.

13. The division ring S inside the division ring R is normal if S^* is a normal subgroup of R^*.

14. A ring is normal if it is integrally closed and noetherian.

15. Noetherian normalization splits a ring extension into a transcendental extension followed by an integral extension.

16. A variety is normal at the point p if o_p is integrally closed.

17. A variety is normal if it is normal at every point.

18. A normalized absolute value is the absolute value raised to a certain exponent, depending on the valuation.

19. An irrational number is normal if its digits appear random.

20. A context free grammar can be converted into chomsky normal form, or greibach normal form.

Wow!  No wonder a "normal" person gets confused.

Fermat solved a problem with ease,
that most of us find quite a tease.
His margin so small,
left no room at all,
for a proof as concise as you please.

Check out other FLT poems.  The submission by Lenstra, one of my profs at Berkeley, is quite good.

Read about the riots after FLT was solved.

There once was a man from Nantucket,
who put colored balls into buckets.
But odd permutations,
caused such consternation;
he just had to stop.  he was stucket.

A well endowed girl name Celeste,
would cause quite a stir when undressed.
Topologists think,
if they had enough ink,
they could draw a k₅ on her chest.

A lecturer once stood before us,
comparing the sphere and the torus.
"With pi groups distinct,
they're different!" he winked,
but loop classes just seemd to bore us.

The Prefect thought Scotty was mental,
a murderer most tempermental.
But a spirit emerged,
and had to be purged,
by the value of pi transcendental.

Reference to Star Trek, Wolf in the Fold.

It's an old pastime of mine,
new values for pi to define.
I wish it were 3,
its simpler you see,
than 3.14159.

This is dedicated to all the state legislatures who tried to redefine pi.

A mathematician confided
that the möbius band is one-sided.
And you'll get quite a laugh
if you cut one in half,
for it stays in one piece when divided.

A mirror shaped like a parabola,
takes images of the crab nebula.
Now all of the conics,
are useful in optics,
but this one is truly fantabula.

A graduate student from Trinity
computed the cube of infinity.
But it gave him the fidgets
to write all those digits,
so he dropped math and took up divinity.

A student confused by topology,
decided to switch to biology.
While watching a cell,
his thoughts they did jell,
and out came a new cohomology.

Over my books I am hovering,
studying spaces a covering.
But while paths are lifting,
my mind is a drifting.
What a party!  I'm barely recovering.

Barking disturbed my night's slumber,
and out the back door i did lumber.
My dog stared at me,
wrapped thrice round a tree.
He knew not his own winding number.

Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions.

Noah's Ark finally reaches dry land, and he releases all the animals, commanding, "Go forth and multiply."  Several months pass and Noah decides to check up on the animals.  All are doing fine except a pair of snakes.  "What's the problem?" asks Noah.  "Cut down some of these trees; that will help," say the snakes.  Noah follows their advice.  Several more weeks pass and Noah checks up on the snakes again.  He sees lots of little snakes; everybody is happy.  Noah says, "So tell me how the trees helped."  "Certainly," reply the snakes.  "We're adders, and we need logs to multiply."

Q: Do you believe in one God?

A: Of course, up to isomorphism.

Q: Why was the math book so depressed?

A: Because it had too many problems.

Q: What's the contour integral around Western Europe?

A: Zero, because all the Poles are in Eastern Europe!

A chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore.  The chemist and physicist come up with several ingenious ways to open the can.  Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: "Assume we have a can opener …"

A venerable Indian chief had 3 wives.  The 1st slept on a cow-hide bed.  The 2nd on a deer-hide bed.  The 3rd on a hippopotamus-hide bed.  Wife No.1 had a baby boy.  Wife No.2 a baby girl.  The 3rd had twins, a boy and a girl.  The old chieftain thought about it, scratched his head and concluded: "This proves the ancient mathematical theory.  The Squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws on the other two hides."

Math and Alcohol don't mix, so… PLEASE DON'T DRINK AND DERIVE.

Q: What's yellow and equivalent to the Axiom of Choice?

A: Zorn's Lemon.

Q: What's yellow, linear, normed and complete?

A: A Bananach space.

Q: What's a polar bear?

A: A rectangular bear after a coordinate transform.

Q: Why didn't Newton discover group theory?

A: Because he wasn't Abel.

Q: Where is your math homework?

A: A four dimensional dog poked his nose into my locker and ate it.

Q: Why did the English major take a course in algebraic geometry?

A: I don't know - just for variety.

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